|
Educated
Drunk
I graduated high school thinking I knew everything. I was way wrong. The
first five months of college is the most enlightening experience I have ever
encountered. The social behavior
of the people that drink is incredible. Being
around drunks I notice three different social disturbances: connection
behavior, stupidity and aggressiveness.
The parties that I go to I observe male
interaction that I call the connection game.
The number one rule for a girl when they attend parties is to be ready
for the constant donations of alcohol. When
you are finally approached and you are sitting on the couch talking to this
person he will offer you a drink about every ten minutes.
Besides the person you are talking to, others will ask if you need a
drink but sometimes they will just give you a drink not bothering to ask.
Being a female at a party will always get you free drinks.
After you get to know a little bit about the person you are talking to,
you are then blown over by pick up lines.
Here are some of my favorites:
“I’d
be lying if I said I didn’t want to kiss you.”
“Did
it hurt..?”—Did what hurt?—“..when you fell from heaven?”
“Are
you tired?—Why?—“cause you’ve been running through my mind all day!”
A horny drunk always makes the mistake when picking up a girl by mentioning
“the X”. Nothing turns me off more than the feeling of him not
interested in me anymore. Come on
guys I thought you were smarter then that; but I will not lie, girls make that
mistake a hell of a lot more than guys.
I think the best way to explain the stupidity of a drunk is in a story.
Around Thanksgiving 1999, I had front row tickets to the academy award
show of the most stupid drunk. There
was a little get-together and my friends and I were just outside talking.
This guy I will call “Bama”, came stumbling around the corner
looking like he wet his pants. He
had been drinking Rum and Coke and you could tell he had more then a couple
glasses of it. As we were talking to him he was bobbin’ and weavin’ and
this is when he demanded that we take pictures of him with his camera.
Bama eventually fell down. He
grabbed his bottle of Captain Morgan and poured some of it out on the cement.
He was trying to ignite it with his lighter.
Anyone who knows anything about liquor knows that Captain Morgan is too
watered down to light. We could
not help but laugh at him. A few
beers later we all went inside while he stayed outside. When I came back outside to see how he was doing I saw him
peeing over the balcony. Well the
funny part about this is that he was not completely making it over the rail!
He urinated all over his clothes, so he took them off.
He later laid his hat in the urine and then put it back on his head.
Earlier in the night he chased after an available girl and was gone for
about twenty-five minutes. When
he came back he looked disappointed and quiet.
Bama then started running towards us and saw the girl walking in the
parking lot. He finished his beer
and threw it from the third floor at the girl.
Luckily he has no aim due to the quantity of alcohol he has consumed.
When it was time to wrap up the night and hit the sack, we left him
outside. His stupid actions were
funny but sad, and you could not help but feel sorry for him.
Aggressiveness is most common in the male gender.
When a male has consumed enough alcohol to the point of slurring his
words, his temper and adrenaline kicks in.
Punching walls and kicking trashcans and coolers is a given.
I have seen the throwing of not only beer bottles but of chairs, lamps,
telephones and other people. It
seems that ill-tempered drunks are always trying to pick fights with other
people that are just trying to have a good time.
Self-confidence and security is a common thread between most males.
They think they can beat up anyone and pick up any girl.
The funny thing is when they admit to this, they prove themselves to be
wrong. The aggressiveness of a
drunk is always a dangerous situation. To
save you in situations like these you should never go to a party where you
either do not know anyone or people there do not particularly care for you.
If you are in college or even in high school, I am sure you have
witnessed several of the behaviors mentioned.
Keep in mind that going to parties is supposed to be fun. When you realize the trends in people who drink themselves
into drunkeness you can always sit back and relate to my experiences and
laugh. No matter how funny and
ridiculous a drunk is never let them drink and drive.
Reply
Home
|